Sometimes I hate being a Grown-Up.
Sure it has its perks, like I’m in charge of my life, which is awesome. But at the same time, I’M IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE. Not only that, but I’m also in charge of the lives of C, K, and M (to a lesser extent, since he is also a Grown-Up). Not a huge family by any means, but still. Everything I say or do influences them all in some way. One mistake and I can royally screw everything up.
No pressure or anything.
Seriously. Being a Grown-Up Sucks.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Time for Change
Honestly I don’t know how to start this blog. Okay that’s not entirely accurate, I know HOW to start, I’m just having a hard time working up the motivation and courage to just jump in. I’m so afraid I will fail yet again, and that fear is paralyzing.
Maybe I should start easy, by introducing myself.
Hi, I’m AJ. I am FINALLY working on the first post of a blog that I’ve been planning and setting up for months. Mostly because I couldn’t decide on the “perfect” name (that wasn’t already taken) and also because I felt like I never had time to sit down and work on the “perfect” first post. Because it’s my first post, it needs to be exactly right, right?
At heart, I’m a perfectionist.
I want to be able to do EVERYTHING, and I want to do it all PERFECTLY. I continuously feel that because I want something to happen, I should be able to make it happen. I should be able to make home-cooked meals every day using only fresh ingredients, have a magazine worthy home 24/7, mix up my own lotions and bath salts and body scrubs, sew all our own clothes and blankets, churn out new wall art like a machine, build my own furniture, and have perfect children who always listen and do exactly what I say. My pinterest boards are chock full of all the things I feel like I should be doing, just because I’m capable of doing them.
The problem is that no matter how much I feel like I should and how much I want to, I can’t do them all. Because I’m constantly overwhelmed by my huge list of things I should be able to do, but I have children who demand constant attention and there are only 24 hours in a day and I really should use some of that time to get some sleep. I’m only human.
So most of the time I don’t even start.
Or I DO start, but I start all of it. All at once. And then it becomes too much and I give up, or I think of something else that I need to do and suddenly I’ve moved on and already forgotten what I was already in the middle of. And it’s not finished. It’s still waiting. And eventually I remember and think “I should get back to that” but by then I’ve already moved on to four more things and I never seem to have the time.
I’m a mess. My home is a mess. My brain is a mess. My relationship is a mess.
So I finally begin this blog to help me keep track of what I’m doing, and what I actually need to be doing, rather than what I feel like I should be doing. Maybe down the road I will get some readers and they will help, too. And maybe farther down the road there will be someone out there who is where I am now and I will be able to say “I’ve been there, and it gets better.”
Here are my goals for this blog:
Well, that’s it. That’s me in a nutshell. An absolute mess, and tired of it. I can’t keep trying to do everything, it’s just too much. I need to slow down and experience my life every day because it’s constantly changing. My kids are growing up and the world is moving on without me.
It’s 6am and I’m already exhausted from writing this post. And this is only Day One. But it’s okay. Because I can do this, I know I can. I just need to take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Today is Day One of the rest of my life.
And I plan to enjoy my life.
Maybe I should start easy, by introducing myself.
Hi, I’m AJ. I am FINALLY working on the first post of a blog that I’ve been planning and setting up for months. Mostly because I couldn’t decide on the “perfect” name (that wasn’t already taken) and also because I felt like I never had time to sit down and work on the “perfect” first post. Because it’s my first post, it needs to be exactly right, right?
At heart, I’m a perfectionist.
I want to be able to do EVERYTHING, and I want to do it all PERFECTLY. I continuously feel that because I want something to happen, I should be able to make it happen. I should be able to make home-cooked meals every day using only fresh ingredients, have a magazine worthy home 24/7, mix up my own lotions and bath salts and body scrubs, sew all our own clothes and blankets, churn out new wall art like a machine, build my own furniture, and have perfect children who always listen and do exactly what I say. My pinterest boards are chock full of all the things I feel like I should be doing, just because I’m capable of doing them.
The problem is that no matter how much I feel like I should and how much I want to, I can’t do them all. Because I’m constantly overwhelmed by my huge list of things I should be able to do, but I have children who demand constant attention and there are only 24 hours in a day and I really should use some of that time to get some sleep. I’m only human.
So most of the time I don’t even start.
Or I DO start, but I start all of it. All at once. And then it becomes too much and I give up, or I think of something else that I need to do and suddenly I’ve moved on and already forgotten what I was already in the middle of. And it’s not finished. It’s still waiting. And eventually I remember and think “I should get back to that” but by then I’ve already moved on to four more things and I never seem to have the time.
I’m a mess. My home is a mess. My brain is a mess. My relationship is a mess.
So I finally begin this blog to help me keep track of what I’m doing, and what I actually need to be doing, rather than what I feel like I should be doing. Maybe down the road I will get some readers and they will help, too. And maybe farther down the road there will be someone out there who is where I am now and I will be able to say “I’ve been there, and it gets better.”
Here are my goals for this blog:
- To be completely open and honest. Because that’s the only way this will work. I can't hide my many messes pretending to be perfect and then expect people to be excited that I finally cleared off the kitchen counters.
- To spend less than 1 hour a day on posts, preferably when the kids are sleeping, and preferably when my daily To Do’s have been completed. Originally I was going to put 15 minutes, but I’ve already been working on this one for 30, so I guess 1 hour is more realistic.
- To learn how to effectively manage and prioritize my time, energy and resources. Because I can’t do it all, and some things are more important than others.
- Not to worry about how many posts I do per week, or how my blog compares to someone else’s blog, or whether I can use my blog to make money, or how many readers I have, or anything that takes away from my other goals.
Well, that’s it. That’s me in a nutshell. An absolute mess, and tired of it. I can’t keep trying to do everything, it’s just too much. I need to slow down and experience my life every day because it’s constantly changing. My kids are growing up and the world is moving on without me.
It’s 6am and I’m already exhausted from writing this post. And this is only Day One. But it’s okay. Because I can do this, I know I can. I just need to take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Today is Day One of the rest of my life.
And I plan to enjoy my life.
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