Hopeless and Alone

The last few weeks have been a struggle for me.

Every day seems to be nothing but avoidance, excuses, and a whole lot of backsliding. It is SO frustrating, because I was doing so well for months, and I don't know what has changed in my life to cause the change in my mindset.

I really wanted this to be a positive and uplifting blog, full of inspiration and ideas and encouragement, but how can I make a blog like that when I'm constantly feeling like I'm just not good enough and I'm just not doing enough? When I'm constantly overwhelmed and always feel like its all just too much?

I know, I know. Baby steps, right? One day at a time, one thing at a time, just keep up, don't worry about getting ahead... but it feels like "just keeping up" doesn't show any actual progress.

Everything just stays the same.

It doesn't help that with a hubby on the night shift, two constantly sick kiddos, and an average outdoor temp of 30 degrees, I am basically confined to the house. So even though I tell myself every day to "just keep up" and not worry about anything else, I still SEE everything else.

Constantly.

Every single day.

And I see it all not getting done. I don't see it ever getting done.

Gradually, little by little, day by day, it wears on me. And I start to lose hope again. I get more and more frustrated, more and more overwhelmed, more and more lonely, more and more depressed. Because nothing is happening. My house is on hold, my days are on hold, my life is on hold. Always. Something needs to change, but I don't know what. I don't know how.

I feel lost. I feel helpless. I feel alone.