Well my dear (non-existent) readers, you would be incorrect! Here I am!
Over the last few weeks I've had a lot of issues with pain, at one point it was even excruciating enough to send me to the ER to make sure I didn't have a herniated disc or something equally awful (I didn't). But the main reason I haven't posted is because I was embarrassed. And I felt guilty. And slightly ashamed.
Because, during that time, I slacked off. A lot.
I didn't keep up with the dishes. I didn't keep up with the floors. Or the laundry. Or picking up toys. Or bathing the children regularly... and I just didn't want you to know.
To be fair, it's not like I was partying or anything, I really was in a lot of pain and spent most of each day laying flat on the floor, trying to move as little as possible. And building legos with the kids.
A LOT of Legos.
But still, I kept feeling like I should be doing things, especially since I had gotten into a bit of a routine when I started this blog. And I knew that I was using the pain as an excuse to do nothing. I let the dishes pile up and I didn't enforce our "pick up what you take out" rule with the kids.
Which made me feel so guilty.
Sure, I was having a rough time, and in a lot of pain, but did that really mean I couldn't do anything? Nothing at all? Seriously? I was ok enough to get a bowl of cereal, but not enough to put my cereal bowl in the dishwasher? I was ok enough to lay on the floor and help the kids build Legos, but not enough to make sure they put them away?
Excuses.
I could have done those things, a lot of people would have, but I didn't. Because I just didn't want to. I was in pain and grumpy, which makes me want to do absolutely nothing. So I did nothing, and the house fell apart.
Then M (who is on the night shift and sleeps during the day) spent two of his nights off doing as much as he could to catch us back up. Which, of course, made me feel worse. Because it looked so much better, and I had done absolutely nothing for days. Even though my back had started feeling a little better, I had still done nothing.
Who wants to write a post saying their husband spent his days off work cleaning up messes that weren't his? Messes that I should have at least attempted to take care of myself?
A few days ago I decided enough is enough. The whole reason I started this blog was to hold myself accountable, right? So I can't just not post because I backslide. If I ever do get readers, I don't want them to think I was able to fix this overnight. Because that is definitely not going to happen.
So that's what I've been up to. Pain, an ER visit, more pain, narcotics, and a whole lot of slacking off, making excuses, and feeling sorry for myself.
There is no happy ending to this post, because sometimes life just sucks and you make stupid decisions based on flimsy excuses - or don't make any decision at all, which sometimes I think is just as bad. What about you?
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